Home Bound

I used to dream of going on tour around the world. If I were any taller or prettier, I would’ve dreamt of becoming a flight attendant but I’m not, so I intend to be awfully rich instead to make mine come true. Pipe dreams, I know, but that’s what dreams are for. Some come true, others don’t. I just never thought mine almost came crashing down. Flight 5J 548 from Singapore to Cebu — almost became my last today.

We’ve had a rocky start. We had to wait a looong time prior to take off. Got some noisy/rowdy/annoying passengers. Lots (and I mean more than 10x) of fasten seatbelt signs due to turbulence. And scary flickering of lights within the cabin and flashes of lightning outside. Altogether, not a good omen.

But I’ve had a similar flight with the same airline before and tada! I’m still here so I wasn’t really worried. Not until 3am (2 hours into the flight), when we hit a major turbulence that shook everyone awake and the plane took a nose-dive dip of I’m guessing 10-20 ft. It felt like a roller coaster ride except you had more chances of dying. Gasps were audible. Some passengers shouted. One passenger spilled the contents of his instant cup noodle over 2 rows of seat consisting mainly of his annoying family (that made me smile) and ended up harassing the poor flight attendants. I was filling out my arrival card when this happened and I just held on to my pen, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It lasted for only a moment but it was enough to turn my insides to mush and my hands and feet were shaking. And for the first time since I’ve started riding airplanes, I prayed. I also just finished watching The Grey and so as soon as I stopped shaking, I gingerly grabbed my wallet and slipped it into my pocket so that my family could identify me, just in case. This made me realize how unprepared and helpless I am should it happen.

1. Other than reading the Emergency Manual when I’m bored, I don’t really pay attention to the in-flight instructions (how do you inflate the vest again?)
2. Most of the Airplane-Crash movies I watch either have no to few survivors (I don’t want my death to be just another statistic)
3. If we land on water, I don’t know how to swim so I’ll probably be one of the first to die (and fed to the survivors or shark bait)
4. When I get scared, I close my eyes and freeze (so I’d probably die on my seat anyway)
5. I’d die a virgin (and it would be too quick, this can’t be remedied at all)

Fake It Until You Make It

I pride myself in making my life as uncomplicated as possible. When push comes to shove, I take the path of least resistance. I want to live my life as peacefully as I can and often find myself running away from trouble more times than facing it. Some might call that cowardice, but I think it’s a gift.

I’ve never really been a social person either. I have friends, but it takes time for me to warm up to new acquaintances and parents were never my forte. I don’t know what it is with parents but I clam up whenever I meet up with them. Maybe because I feel insecure that they might not find me deserving to be with their kid. Or maybe because I might do something that they deem as a bad behavior and judge me. Or maybe I have a problem with authority because even my own parents never really figured me out. I don’t know. All I know is that me + parents just don’t mesh.

Yesterday I was faced with a situation I couldn’t run away from. After years of carefully laid out avoidance tactics, I was cornered and the inevitable has happened: I’ve come to meet the parents and hell has closed in on me. 34 Bayshore Rd has been home these past weeks and yes, it took some getting used to (and a lot of Tagalog practice) but I finally got the hang of it. And just when I did, his parents arrived.

This shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I was aware they were coming. I knew that of course they’re going to live here but I was expecting circumstances to be quite different somehow. I thought by then I’d have a job and won’t really have to face them since I’ll be at work. Or that I’d have a job, a salary, and have enough money to rent another room until they go back home. Or that I’d be gone long before they get here. But none of the above worked out for me. Instead I’m jobless, broke and desperate. And now on the verge of freaking out. Scratch that. I did freak out already. I broke down the day before (a day before they were due to arrive) when it finally dawned on me that there was no way out of this predicament. To rent a room or to change my plane tickets would be too expensive. I don’t know anyone who can take me in temporarily. Short of sleeping on the streets (which I’m sure will get me incarcerated), I have no choice but to suck it up.

I’ve been such a burden to Andy this past month and I want to ‘ease the situation’ but I’m screaming inside. I feel so awkward I barely slept. Whenever we’re in the same room I keep silent. I keep my head down all the time (I feel like I know the floor intimately by now) in the fear that if I look up I might see them watching me. I’m in constant turmoil whether or not I should break the ice. When they speak to me I struggle to think of what and how to respond and end up mumbling nonsensical things while I paste a fake smile on my face. I feel so awkward I want to cry. A friend said I have to fake it until I make it. A sound advice, but I’ve never really faked anything much in my life. I’m quite a genuine person. I become genuinely happy, genuinely mad and genuinely scared. And right now genuinely screwed.

Armageddon’s Children (Terry Brooks)

This is the first book in the Genesis of Shannara trilogy. After reading the Hunger Games series, I’ve been hooked up on trilogies. Now that I can borrow and read them for free, I have no reason (or excuse) not to anymore. Hehe

The Genesis of Shannara tells of the exodus of those who are destined to survive the world’s end. The balance of the Word and the Void has toppled and the Void is set to win this war. Demons and Once-men run amok. Where there used to be towns and cities, there are only compounds of humans trying to survive the destruction. The water and the soil are poisoned. This is the post-apocalyptic world and the world can no longer be saved. Fortunately, all hope is not lost.

There is born a gypsy morph, a creature of magic, sent to save us all. He finds himself in the city of Seattle, leading a bunch of street kids, struggling to survive. They call themselves the Ghosts, who haunt the ruins of their parents world. Hawk, the gypsy morph, dreams of his destiny, to lead his family to a safer place but he doesn’t know yet of himself or his magic. It is up to Logan Tom, the Knight of the Word, to find him and protect him and the Armageddon’s children before the world ends in fire that will cleanse all in order to begin life anew.

 

The Chocolate Run (Dorothy Koomson)

There’s 1 reason why I picked this book: it’s reference to chocolates.

Amber Salpone thinks chocolate. Everything that happens in her life and everyone she meets she can liken to a box, a bar, a piece and even a brand of chocolate. Unlike everything in her life -from her dysfunctional family to her obsessive best friend – chocolate never let her down. Given the choice between anything and chocolate, there is no contest… until Greg Matheson.

It’s a love story but the dialogues are so funny the book is no way cheesy. Amber is so neurotic, she reminds me so much of myself. And Greg, wow, I can’t help but fall in love with this asshole. Perfect read for a day in the beach or when you just want to unwind after a long day.

Deer in the Headlights

I’ve been having nightmares lately. The kind of nightmares that wake you up in cold sweat in the middle of the night and makes you afraid to go back to sleep because it might continue.

The first nightmare happened last week. In my dream I was riding a jeepney from Ayala with 2 drunk men fighting in it and 2 other suspicious looking men. To avoid the drunks, I sat on the only available seat – in between the 2 suspicious looking men. They cajoled and felt through my bag and I got scared and I shouted and asked the driver to stop so I can get off. I got off but I was afraid they’d get off with me so I asked the conductor to wait while I dig in my bag for my fare hoping that cab or another jeepney would come along. Nothing did but they didn’t get off either so I stood there waiting with this one other guy. We had some small talk since the jeepneys took a long time coming and I was fine until I saw from the corner of my eye the men who tried to rob me in the jeepney and it appears that the 2 drunk men were in cahoots with them. I told my new friend to walk very slowly towards Perpetual Succour in the hopes that we’d find a taxi there praying that the bad guys won’t notice. One of them did and started running towards us. I grabbed my friend and ran for my life. We were able to hail a taxi but the driver said he is still waiting for more passengers. The bad guys were banging on the door. I was screaming. Then I woke up.

The next nightmare happened the next night. In my dream I was with my niece and nephews. We were in Pardo looking for my sister’s car. The roads looked deserted (like some episodes in the Walking Dead) but we didn’t find it odd. What we found odd were bags lined up in the middle of the road as we went through the piles of books and notebooks. I told my nephews to disperse so we could find my sister faster and me and my niece went to look at some shortcut road where there were cars driving by. Suddenly the cars went towards us. Men in military uniform filed out and gathered round. Somebody screamed in the distance and shots were fired. I grabbed my niece and shouted at my nephews to duck! I grabbed my other nephew and guided us towards the military men hoping they could offer us protection. Suddenly everything was silent. There was a big bonfire in the middle of the road where the books used to be and there stood burning an effigy of a military officer. The ‘military men’ started taking off their uniform and we found out they were not the military after all! They were rebels and they started shooting at the effigy and laughing and shooting again. I felt sick to my stomach as two of them apprehended us. I repeatedly told my niece and nephews to hold their heads down and not say anything. They loaded us and some other hostages into a truck. Then I woke up.

I had another nightmare the third night. Fortunately, I don’t remember it. It doesn’t take a therapist (or Joseph the dreamer) to interpret my dreams. I looked up Running and Hostage in the Dream Dictionary and true enough, both nightmares are my subconscious’ way of telling me I’m drowning in pressure and feeling trapped. What worse is that both dreams have me on the losing end of things — like there’s no way out. If I were to describe exactly how I feel, a deer in the headlights would be the perfect way to describe it.

Mass in a Foreign Land

Singapore is an amazing country. This is my third visit but still I have lost count on the number of times I’ve gotten lost by either taking the wrong exit, riding the wrong bus/train or getting off the wrong bus stop. Because even though it is amazing, it is still foreign to me. But it was a Sunday and though I’m not a devout Catholic, I feel good after I attend Sunday masses. Besides, I brought Andy along to avoid any further mishaps. Hehe

Off to church we go without a hitch! Made it just in time for the entrance hymn too! Got a good seat and let the mass begin!

1. I don’t know any of the songs they’re singing. No problem, happens all the time when you’re in a new church.
2. I barely understand the readings (still not used to Singaporean-English). No problem, happens everyday.
3. The responses are different! Oh no! It feels like I’ve changed religion! The Apostle’s Creed is different. The Our Father is different. Even the response to Peace be with You is different! No wonder they had booklets at the front door which I didn’t care to take because one, we were in a hurry and two, I’ve been a Catholic all my life, mass is like second nature to me.

It felt like a disaster! But I think it’s true what they say that Faith knows no bounds. Oddly enough, I understood the Gospel and really enjoyed the Homily. It was a concelebrated mass and the priest who delivered the homily was really good with his funny anecdotes and jokes. Then during offertory, they sang a song I knew – Here I Am Lord.

In the end, it didn’t matter whether I knew the songs and responses or not. It didn’t matter whether I struggled through the readings. What mattered was that I felt after — like I was home and it felt good.

Mr. ACA

I needed some happy thought desperately. Then I thought of you. You with your untidy hair and mysterious air. I’m a sucker for mysterious guys, must be the result of reading too many romance novels. I’ve met you only a couple of times (or so that I can remember). The first time it was too dark for me to see your face. The second time I was too conscious to look at you closely. I stalked your facebook page though and yes, you are good looking. The type who can get any skinny, gorgeous girl you want. Leaves me out, obviously, but why don’t you have one? Be as it may I do not aspire for more. You made my heart flutter. Tonight your memory makes me smile. It’s all I can ask for. Crushes are the damnedest things, it’s like looking through stained glass: It gives color to everything even though you know it’s not real.